Friday, August 29, 2008

It's been a hard transition going from a summer that was wholly devoted to growth in my relationship with God, where my community was all about that too, and about supporting each other in Christ. A whole summer of an hour every morning spent at the feet of Jesus -- no distractions unless I created them. To now, where it's my responsibility to devote that time to Jesus, to make Him my focus. To yearn for Him without a tight-knit community urging me on. I have definitely been falling short.
I want to yearn for Jesus. I want Him to be my everything. I feel like I keep coming back to this place over and over again. Why do I doubt Him? Why do I think that things aren't going to work out? Why do I feel like I have to be in control? Why do I doubt His timing and His perfect plan?
I don't want to settle for less. I don't want to be satisfied by the call of lovers so less wild (Derek Webb). I want Him to be my One and Only. I want Him to be the reason that I wake up in the morning and the first thought that crosses my mind.
I know that it's up to me to get there. "Draw near to God, and He will draw near to you." James 4:8. He's always right beside me. He knows me completely. He wants to be in a full relationship with me. His beauty is there right beside me, whether or not I sense it or acknowledge it.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." -- Matt 11:28-29

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Sometimes I get discouraged.

I always need Jesus.

But sometimes I feel like I need him more than other times.

Like now.