Crap

I'm so unworthy.
I don't know how I got back to this place.
I thought that I had learned my lesson and that my relationship with the Lord would be consistent from here on out.
I thought that I would never doubt Him again.
I thought I was learning to surrender.

And then I realize where I am, and I hate it.
My relationship with Jesus is crap right now.
I've been ridiculously unfaithful.
I'm supposed to be the salt of the earth and I can't claim that right now.
I'm so so ashamed.
But at the same time, I can't say that I am going to turn it around.
It sickens me.

This post is ridiculously honest.