Amazing

How cool is it that we get to talk to God and He talks back?

In the Strong Complex, where I live, a couple people are putting on a 100 hours of prayer in one of the study room in the basement, and people sign up for 1 hour shifts for 100 hours. I took a shift today... or I guess, yesterday... from 6-7. I hadn't just rested in the presence of God in a loooong time. I think one of my biggest weaknesses is not spending more time in actual prayer. I'm good about reading my Bible, and I guess I often do pray for other people, but not like I should. And I rarely just sit there and ask God to talk to me... to bring to mind people to pray for, and truths from His Word that I need to be reminded of. But I did that tonight and it was phenomenol... duh. I'm so stupid most of the time. I underestimate God even when there is no reason to.

Sometimes my brain and my heart don't connect like they should and that really sucks.

The other day a friend (eyyyyyy, blake!) brought to mind a verse that I had never given much thought to... "I believe; Lord, help my unbelief."... and I can't get it out of my head. That sentence sums up so much of what I feel that I can't put into words. I believe. I DO. With every fiber of my being. I have to. At the same time, I still doubt. If you don't understand that, I am so so happy for you. And I don't think I can explain it in any other way.

Ok, the only reason I am still awak at 2:53 am is that my eye is itching and burning like crazy from dang allergies and keeping me awake, but I took some benodryl, so that'll be probably be kicking in here in a few minutes, so I'm gonna call it a night.

Goodnight.


I need you, Jesus
To come to my rescue
Where else can I go?
There's no other name
By which I am saved
Capture me with grace

Thousand Miles

Thousand Miles - Caedmon's Call

I have stolen, Lord, let me give

I have left Your house a fugitive

I have wandered in my own way

Squandered everything You gave

But my dying heart You saved and let me live

I have cursed the air and clenched my fists

I have hungered for Your righteousness

I have tried to walk the line

I drew between Your heart and mine

But You forgive me every time the mark is missed

So take my broken offering and make it whole

And set my feet upon the road that leads me home

Let me walk as one fixed upon the goal

Even though I've got a thousand miles to go

I have sought Your grace in my defense

I have plundered Your magnificence

Until my journey is complete

I pray the Lord my soul to keep

That I might sow what I have reaped From Your great love

As I struggle for Your hand

You use me in ways I can't understand

You take this sinful man and renew me

Working through me

I had a really long talk with my mom last night about some stuff that is going on in my life, and she put things into perspective incredibly. I am so blessed with her. But it was also a really humbling talk. I was really disgusted with my prideful and vindictive attitude. I am so far from where I need to be with Jesus. My heart is so far from His. I want His heart. I want to know it and to feel it. I want to care about the things that He cares about. I get so caught up in myself. There's an awesome Hillsong song, Lead me to the Cross, and one of the lines is "Rid me of myself, I belong to You". I want that so much. I don't want me to get in the way of what God wants to do. I want to show his love and compassion and mercy and grace to everyone around me. I am sick of thinking of myself first. It's easy to love those who love us. I want to love those who don't love me.

But I know that through all of this, Jesus is right here with me, forgiving and loving and teaching. It overwhelms me. It is ridiculously humbling. The God of the Universe it with me right now, loving on me. I don't deserve anything from Him, but he gives me everything. Incredible. I have a thousand miles to go, but He is with me every single step of the way.

I had the incredible opportunity last weekend to be a leader at D-Now (Disciple Now) at Emmanuel Baptist Church in KC (where I will also be doing my internship this summer!). Diana and I had the 10th and 11th grade girls, and let me tell you, it was absolutely a blast. It definitely took me out of my comfort zone a little -- especially trying to build relationships in 2 days, but it was so worth it. I learned a lot about and from these girls in such a short amount of time that will help me so much in getting ready for this summer. I have so much to learn about leadership and about being a servant. So often I think about myself and my needs first, which is totally opposite of what Jesus did. Yes, we need to take care of ourselves, but we need to learn to take care of others FIRST.

On another note, I'm reading Deuteronomy right now, and I'm not gonna lie, it hasn't been the most enticing thing I've ever read, but God revealed a really cool truth to me the other day.
I've heard lots of times in sermons and teachings that the whole Bible points towards the coming of Christ, and that the whole Bible is a testimony to it, not just the New Testament. Well, in Deuteronomy 8 and 9 Moses is telling the Israelites about the Promise Land, and kind of re-hashing what they've been through thus far (Egypt and the Desert), and it hit me that that in itself points towards Christ. It's like, Egypt was the earth before Christ came, bleak and hopeless, filled with meaningless toil. The Desert is where we are now, Christ has come and is leading us and we have a purpose, but there is still hardship and suffering. And the Promise Land is the new heaven and earth where Christ will reign in perfection, and all out needs will be met. So, yea, I just thought that that was really cool.

That's all.